The Rookies’ Ten Most Hated Athletes – Part I
Due to the Internet’s love of “Top 10″ posts, because of how easy they are to read (and sometimes they have pictures!), we here at The Rookies took some of our writers and asked them who was the athlete they hated the most. There are no restrictions to who they can hate, as long as they play a sport. Enjoy the carnage. Some feelings might get hurt. This is Part I of the post, with the second installment coming in the next day or two.
CoolHwhip Hates TO
Terrell Owens broke on to the national stage following a two-touchdown performance on Monday Night Football against the Seattle Seahawks. Following his second touchdown on the evening, Owens went on to pull a Sharpie out of his sock and sign the football he had just caught.
This motherfucker hasn’t left our televisions since.
TO is currently on his fourth team. That means three teams have given up on dealing with the drama that surrounds him on a day-to-day basis. Think about it, teams around the league would kill for a number one receiver (Brady Quinn?! LOLZ!!1!) and TO has managed to make three teams just say “You make plays and catch touchdowns, but you are a piece of shit human being and those points that you produce aren’t worth having to see and talk to you everyday”.
I may have paraphrased that little quote, but you get my gist.
LittleWaynesBleedingHead Wants To Take A Tire Iron To The Face Of Ryan Braun
I’m an Astros fan from Wisconsin (long story) that went to high school and works in Milwaukee. This was just fine until the last two years, when Brewer fans became insufferable.
I’ve been a ‘Stros fan for nearly eight years now, and for the first five I had no problem with the Brewers or their fans. During that stretch my team was decent and competitive, and they were one of baseball’s bottom dwellers every year. Now, I may have reveled in this on occasion, but for the most part I supported my team by just rooting for them and against the Cubs and Cardinals. Most of the time I would commiserate with the die-hard Brewer fans I knew and wish them luck in the future, only getting nasty if someone would gloat over the Crew’s lone win in a four game series against Houston. Heck, I’d go to games at Miller Park with a Robin Yount jersey shirt and root on the Brewers against teams like Chicago and St. Louis.
Then they went .500.
Suddenly I couldn’t wear my faded Craig Biggio jersey shirt to school without some moron in a JJ Hardy shirt that still had the tags on it saying my team sucked. This got tiresome fairly fast, yet persists to this day. Understandably this soured me on all things Brewers related (except the few people I know outside my family that were fanatics even when the team sucked, those people are mostly realistic, smart, and tolerable).
And to top it all off, Ryan Braun arrived. And even worse, he was good.
Braun would club monster shots against Houston (and everyone else) and be a smarmy, cocky asshole about it. He couldn’t field worth a lick at third, and still kinda sucks in the outfield, but HAS to show off every time he makes a semi-decent catch. You can just tell he thinks he’s the best player in the stadium every day, and feels like he has to let the pitcher know it on that 8th inning solo homer that gives him a 1 for 4 day. And he contributed to Hunter Pence (whom I have an unhealthy man crush on) losing out on the Rookie of the Year award. At least a guy like Albert Pujols, who earned my perpetual scorn for his home run off Brad Lidge in the 05 NLCS (that dinger STILL haunts my dreams) does it with class on the field and appears to be a phenomenal human being off it.
Ryan Braun seems like he’d spit in your face if you didn’t like his haircut.
In short, Ryan Braun epitomizes all I hate about the current Brewers and their “fans”, which is a shame, because I really could have used a team to care about while my Astros suck it up in the basement.
Oh, and have you seen this?
Rockabye Thinks That Wes Byrum Should Kindly Gnaw on a Rifle
I hate Wes Byrum. The following visual describes why.
In fairness, yes, he was a freshman kicker who coolly deposited that field goal between the goalposts twice (after a late timeout invalidated the first), but I hate Auburn, so I don’t much care about that.
Shakey Thinks Joe Blanton is a Tub of Lard
This no talent butt pirate draws my ire with every shit pitch he uncorks. Hey look, I have a 88 MPH straight fastball! My mechanics resemble an epileptic fit! When I get a big ass lead from the tremendous offense I work with, I just surrender a 6 run inning and fuck the team over. How this guy became a major league pitcher, I have no idea.
I want to poop in his fish tacos. Become a plumber, asshat.
310ToJoba Is Insanely Gay For Jealous of Derek Jeter
What the fuck, Derek. Oh how I loathhhhhhhhhe you and your perfect life and your on-field success and your lack of off the field problems. HOW CAN YOU BE SO PERFECT?! Your swing and drives to the opposite field are nothing short of things of beauty. You’ve got some set of balls to go out and mock the divine by insisting that a human being can achieve perfection on a nightly basis. Moreover, there is no way you can possibly be so dominant on the baseball field without some skeletons in the closet. You are a cruel, cruel bastard to remind the rest of the mere mortals of our inferiority on a daily basis. Why must you torture us so?
I’m sure it must be insanely difficult to walk up to the likes of Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel and Minka Kelly to say “RAWR! I’m Derek Jeter, let’s make babies!” It must be even worse when they say “ZOMG! YES!” God, what an asshole.