A Very Special Father’s Day: Peyton And Eli Find Old Archie A Gift
Peyton: Gee, Eli, Father’s Day is today and we still haven’t got Pop a gift! He’ll be home from his weekly forehead moisturizing in half an hour!
Eli: Gosh, I know Peyton! We need to brainstorm real fast for things that Papa would like!
(five minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)
Peyton: I got it! Cats! Pop loved that cat action figure I made him last year!
Eli: Good start, Peyton! Since Papa is our dad and stuff, we should have a dad cat, like a tiger or something, because they’re bigger than other cats and stuff. Tigers are big and yell a lot like Papa when we both don’t make the playoffs.
Peyton: Yeah! Well, what else does Pop like? A tiger’s a good start, but there needs to be more.
Eli: I saw Papa bring home some Astroglide a couple days ago, and due to my super-awesome education at Ole Miss, “Astro-” has to do with outer space and aliens and stuff. I bet Papa was using the Astroglide to wax his outer space-board or something for the next time he surfs some cosmic waves.
Peyton: I think I’m onto something… how about the tiger is on an outer space board?
(Peyton and Eli high-five)
Peyton: BUT WAIT! HOW WILL THE SPACESHIP RUN???? It has to be powered by something!!!!
(Eli slaps Peyton)
Eli: Hold your horses Peyton! You’re flipping a lid at nothing! The fuel needs to be something Papa likes to eat. What’s Papa’s fuel?
(two more minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)
Peyton and Eli together: BUTTERFINGERS!!
Peyton: Don’t forget the speed lines to make it go fast!
Eli: I’m on it!
Eli: It’s missing one thing…
Peyton: You’re right!
Peyton: Perfect, Pop will love this for sure!
Archie: Hi boys! I’m back from my moisturizing!
Peyton and Eli: Hey Pop! Happy Father’s Day!
Archie: Why thank you Peyton and Eli! My, what a great picture! It’s amazing!
Cooper: I got you something too Father!
(Archie throws rotating tie rack back at Cooper)
Archie: WHAT IS THIS SHIT? YOU’RE WORTHLESS COOPER! I HATE YOU!
(Archie goes back to Peyton and Eli)
Archie: I love you boys, thank you very much for this picture. I will treasure it forever. But I have to go boys, I need to beat Cooper with my belt for not getting any endorsements.