A Very Special Father's Day: Peyton And Eli Find Old Archie A Gift

Peyton: Gee, Eli, Father’s Day is today and we still haven’t got Pop a gift! He’ll be home from his weekly forehead moisturizing in half an hour!

Eli: Gosh, I know Peyton! We need to brainstorm real fast for things that Papa would like!

(five minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)

Peyton: I got it! Cats! Pop loved that cat action figure I made him last year!

Eli: Good start, Peyton! Since Papa is our dad and stuff, we should have a dad cat, like a tiger or something, because they’re bigger than other cats and stuff. Tigers are big and yell a lot like Papa when we both don’t make the playoffs.

Peyton: Yeah! Well, what else does Pop like? A tiger’s a good start, but there needs to be more.

Eli: I saw Papa bring home some Astroglide a couple days ago, and due to my super-awesome education at Ole Miss, “Astro-” has to do with outer space and aliens and stuff. I bet Papa was using the Astroglide to wax his outer space-board or something for the next time he surfs some cosmic waves.

Peyton: I think I’m onto something… how about the tiger is on an outer space board?

Eli: Righteous!

(Peyton and Eli high-five)

Peyton: BUT WAIT! HOW WILL THE SPACESHIP RUN???? It has to be powered by something!!!!

(Eli slaps Peyton)

Eli: Hold your horses Peyton! You’re flipping a lid at nothing! The fuel needs to be something Papa likes to eat. What’s Papa’s fuel?

(two more minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)

Peyton and Eli together: BUTTERFINGERS!!

Peyton: Don’t forget the speed lines to make it go fast!

Eli: I’m on it!

Eli: It’s missing one thing…

Peyton: You’re right!

Peyton: Perfect, Pop will love this for sure!

Archie: Hi boys! I’m back from my moisturizing!

Peyton and Eli: Hey Pop! Happy Father’s Day!

Archie: Why thank you Peyton and Eli! My, what a great picture! It’s amazing!

Cooper: I got you something too Father!

(Archie throws rotating tie rack back at Cooper)

Archie: WHAT IS THIS SHIT? YOU’RE WORTHLESS COOPER! I HATE YOU!

(Archie goes back to Peyton and Eli)

Archie: I love you boys, thank you very much for this picture. I will treasure it forever. But I have to go boys, I need to beat Cooper with my belt for not getting any endorsements.