First-overall pick John Tavares puts on his New York Islanders jersey Friday night.

The NHL draft went down yesterday in Montreal, and it was kind of a big deal, at least for puckheads. John Tavares (pictured at right) went first overall as many anticipated, but there were several other surprises in the first round. Two of The Rookies’ resident hockey nuts, Skating Tomato and Andrew Bucholtz, break down this year’s top 10 picks below.

1. New York Islanders, John Tavares: As this year’s Hockey Prospect Messiah, Tavares has the potential to either turn what is easily the worst hockey team in the Tri-State area into a perennial playoff contender (alliteration alert!) or flop like Alexandre Daigle and wind up dominating his league 16 years from now…in Switzerland. There’s certainly fuel for both arguments. As a 16 year-old, he scored 72 times and broke the single-season record for OHL goals at that age, set by Wayne Gretzky. He also finished his junior career with 215 goals, breaking the league record set by Peter Lee, who in his best season in the NHL, reached 60…points. Either way, the Islanders desperately need this center’s talents. (Trivia fact: Tavares’ uncle, also named John Tavares, holds the career scoring record in the National Lacrosse League, which would be a lot cooler if the league had a bigger following than MLS or the WNBA)

2.Tampa Bay Lightning, Victor Hedman: As with many no 2 picks, Hedman is nowhere near as popular as his higher drafted counterpart, in large part because he’s a Swedish blueliner and well, Nicklas Lidstrom just doesn’t sell as many jerseys as Sidney Crosby. Having become one of the youngest members of Sweden’s national team at 17, playing in two World Junior Championships and winning two silver medals there, and being ranked as Europe’s top skater in this draft by the International Skating Services speaks well for him, though. In only 5 years, the Lightning have fallen from Stanley Cup champions to a team so dysfunctional Gary Bettman had to yell at their owners to stop squabbling this past week, so I’m sure what’s left of their fanbase won’t complain about landing Hedman, especially with last year’s top pick, Steven Stamkos, already playing in Tampa.

3.Colorado Avalanche, Matt Duchene: With his play in the OHL Final, the Under 17 Challenge, and the World Junior Championships to his credit, Duchene holds at least as much experience in the under 18 hockey world as Tavares and Hedman, even if he accumulated most of his draft buzz far more recently than they did. Seeing as he grew up an Avs fan and has earned comparisons to Joe Sakic, he should be just as big a hit with the Colorado fanbase as his more celebrated peers, though. He’s famed for both his goal-scoring prowess and his defensive play.

4. Atlanta Thrashers, Evander Kane: Kane could be a nice pickup for the Thrashers. He’s shone with the Vancouver Giants of the WHL over the last couple of years, and also did well for Canada at the World Junior Championships this past season. He’ll join former Giants teammate Spencer Machachek in the Atlanta organization. Many have been impressed with his stickhandling and scoring ability, but he also brings a physical presence. The commonly-heard knock on Kane is that he isn’t the most consistent worker, but he’s improved that in recent seasons. He also <a href=”“>went to the Thrashers in the SBN Mock Draft, so this pick isn’t a huge surprise.

5. Los Angeles Kings, Braydon Schenn: Rudy Kelly of the Battle of California described Schenn as “the most Canadian hockey player that ever lived.” Sounds about right. He’s not the quickest guy out there, but he’s a punishing physical forward with a good set of hands; he put up 32 goals and 88 points in the defensive Western Hockey League last year for the Brandon Wheat Kings. He can score, hit, and set up others, and he’s the brother of Toronto Maple Leafs’ wonder prospect Luke Schenn, so he has a good hockey background as well. He probably won’t make the Kings right away next year, but could be a force for them down the road after he develops his game a bit more.

6.Phoenix Coyotes, Oliver Ekman-Larssen: The good news: the Team Formerly Known As The Winnipeg Jets has selected the leading points scorer last year in Sweden’s second tier Allsvenkan League (39), its +/- leader for last year (+44), and a fast skater. They also have a recent history of being able to bring their top picks up to the big league fairly quickly, with Mikkel Boedker and Kyle Turris having played their rookie seasons last year 0 and 1 years after being drafted respectively. The bad news: they still have no idea where they’ll be playing next season.

7. Toronto Maple Leafs, Nazem Kadri: Kadri is an interesting choice, as his scoring totals thus far have been much lower than many of the other forwards chosen so high, partly due to injury. He put up 25 goals and 78 points in 56 games with the London Knights of the Ontario Hockey League last season. He isn’t as proven of a scoring threat as many of the other top-10 prospects, but he has a lot of physical potential. He’s also already used to playing in a pressure-cooker environment thanks to his time in London, which should help him adjust to life in the limelight in Toronto.

8. Dallas Stars, Scott Glennie: Glennie was a bit of a surprising pick here, but he does help fill a need for the Stars; they don’t have a lot of depth at right wing. He put up 28 goals and 70 points in 55 games with Brandon and became the second Wheat Kings player taken in the top ten this year (after Schenn). He can both score and set up others, and he isn’t far away from being able to contribute at the NHL level. His biggest asset is his speed, which makes him a nice fit for new head coach Marc Crawford‘s system.

9. Ottawa Senators, Jared Cowen: Cowen’s a physical defenceman in the traditional WHL mould. He doesn’t put up a ton of points, as he only had seven goals and 14 assists in 48 games this season, but he’s renowned for his checking ability and physical play. He’s 6’5” and 220 pounds, so size is on his side as well. He has already had a severe knee injury, though, which perhaps knocked him down to #9. He’s come up big in several key games though, including the Spokane Chiefs’ drive to the 2008 Memorial Cup. The Senators could use help on defence, so they’ll be hoping he’s able to make the jump to the big leagues relatively quickly.

10.Edmonton Oilers, Magnus Pääjärvi-Svensson: Throwing aside the long name, this left wing holds the distinction of having been able to score 8 points in his first 11 games in the aptly named Swedish Elite League at the age of 16. He also played at this year’s World Junior Championships, following in the footsteps of such 16 year-olds as Gretzky, Crosby, and Lindros, so either he’s going to be Alberta’s next great superstar or the next Trent Green of hockey.

The season opener of Top Gear aired in Britain tonight, and The Stig was revealed thusly (sorry about the video quality):

Yes, the greatest F1 driver to ever live, Michael Schumacher! Now whether this is truly the Stig or not is up for debate, but all we know is it made for an excellent show.

Peyton: Gee, Eli, Father’s Day is today and we still haven’t got Pop a gift! He’ll be home from his weekly forehead moisturizing in half an hour!

Eli: Gosh, I know Peyton! We need to brainstorm real fast for things that Papa would like!

(five minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)

Peyton: I got it! Cats! Pop loved that cat action figure I made him last year!

Eli: Good start, Peyton! Since Papa is our dad and stuff, we should have a dad cat, like a tiger or something, because they’re bigger than other cats and stuff. Tigers are big and yell a lot like Papa when we both don’t make the playoffs.

Peyton: Yeah! Well, what else does Pop like? A tiger’s a good start, but there needs to be more.

Eli: I saw Papa bring home some Astroglide a couple days ago, and due to my super-awesome education at Ole Miss, “Astro-” has to do with outer space and aliens and stuff. I bet Papa was using the Astroglide to wax his outer space-board or something for the next time he surfs some cosmic waves.

Peyton: I think I’m onto something… how about the tiger is on an outer space board?

Eli: Righteous!

(Peyton and Eli high-five)

Peyton: BUT WAIT! HOW WILL THE SPACESHIP RUN???? It has to be powered by something!!!!

(Eli slaps Peyton)

Eli: Hold your horses Peyton! You’re flipping a lid at nothing! The fuel needs to be something Papa likes to eat. What’s Papa’s fuel?

(two more minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)

Peyton and Eli together: BUTTERFINGERS!!

Peyton: Don’t forget the speed lines to make it go fast!

Eli: I’m on it!

Eli: It’s missing one thing…

Peyton: You’re right!

Peyton: Perfect, Pop will love this for sure!

Archie: Hi boys! I’m back from my moisturizing!

Peyton and Eli: Hey Pop! Happy Father’s Day!

Archie: Why thank you Peyton and Eli! My, what a great picture! It’s amazing!

Cooper: I got you something too Father!

(Archie throws rotating tie rack back at Cooper)

Archie: WHAT IS THIS SHIT? YOU’RE WORTHLESS COOPER! I HATE YOU!

(Archie goes back to Peyton and Eli)

Archie: I love you boys, thank you very much for this picture. I will treasure it forever. But I have to go boys, I need to beat Cooper with my belt for not getting any endorsements.

Peyton: Gee, Eli, Father’s Day is today and we still haven’t got Pop a gift! He’ll be home from his weekly forehead moisturizing in half an hour!

Eli: Gosh, I know Peyton! We need to brainstorm real fast for things that Papa would like!

(five minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)

Peyton: I got it! Cats! Pop loved that cat action figure I made him last year!

Eli: Good start, Peyton! Since Papa is our dad and stuff, we should have a dad cat, like a tiger or something, because they’re bigger than other cats and stuff. Tigers are big and yell a lot like Papa when we both don’t make the playoffs.

Peyton: Yeah! Well, what else does Pop like? A tiger’s a good start, but there needs to be more.

Eli: I saw Papa bring home some Astroglide a couple days ago, and due to my super-awesome education at Ole Miss, “Astro-” has to do with outer space and aliens and stuff. I bet Papa was using the Astroglide to wax his outer space-board or something for the next time he surfs some cosmic waves.

Peyton: I think I’m onto something… how about the tiger is on an outer space board?

Eli: Righteous!

(Peyton and Eli high-five)

Peyton: BUT WAIT! HOW WILL THE SPACESHIP RUN???? It has to be powered by something!!!!

(Eli slaps Peyton)

Eli: Hold your horses Peyton! You’re flipping a lid at nothing! The fuel needs to be something Papa likes to eat. What’s Papa’s fuel?

(two more minutes of Eli drooling and Peyton hitting his head on a wall)

Peyton and Eli together: BUTTERFINGERS!!

Peyton: Don’t forget the speed lines to make it go fast!

Eli: I’m on it!

Eli: It’s missing one thing…

Peyton: You’re right!

Peyton: Perfect, Pop will love this for sure!

Archie: Hi boys! I’m back from my moisturizing!

Peyton and Eli: Hey Pop! Happy Father’s Day!

Archie: Why thank you Peyton and Eli! My, what a great picture! It’s amazing!

Cooper: I got you something too Father!

(Archie throws rotating tie rack back at Cooper)

Archie: WHAT IS THIS SHIT? YOU’RE WORTHLESS COOPER! I HATE YOU!

(Archie goes back to Peyton and Eli)

Archie: I love you boys, thank you very much for this picture. I will treasure it forever. But I have to go boys, I need to beat Cooper with my belt for not getting any endorsements.

As fans of sports we are naturally drawn to sports movies. There are the classics that everybody loves, Rocky, Caddyshack, Bull Durham, etc., and then there are those sports movies that aren’t actually any good, but since you watched them when you were little you still love them tremendously. I’ve taken it upon myself to list those movies that were favorites of The Rookies staff when we were kids.

[Note: I guess I haven't made it clear, but the cutoff for these movies is the year the first of us went to Kindergarten, 1992, so any movies made before that time will not be on the list.]

Earlier I ranked numbers 20-14, and 13-6. Today I do the Top 5, but first I’ll recap 20-6, after the jump.

20. Slam Dunk Ernest (1995)
19. Ladybugs (1992)
18. Eddie (1996)
17. Brink (1998)
16. Celtic Pride (1996)
15. The Mighty Ducks (1992)
14. Air Bud (1997)
13. The Sixth Man (1997)
12. Angels in the Outfield (1994)
11. The Big Green (1994)
10. Happy Gilmore (1996)
9. Alley Cats Strike! (2000)
8. BASEketball (1998)
7. Space Jam (1996)
6. Little Giants (1994)

And now, the Top 5:

5. Little Big League (1994)

When this movie came out I was a seven year old Twins fan and I so desperately wanted to be Billy Heywood. What kid wouldn’t want to own and manage their favorite team? Sure it wouldn’t be easy. As Billy Heywood finds out ballplayers, and really guys in general, can be a bunch of pricks. But really, it’s not absurd that a kid could manage a baseball team, it is the American League after all, but what is ridiculous is that Timothy Busfield is a star athlete.

Minnesota Twins star first baseman Lou Collins

On the other hand, if Chuck Knoblockhead Sr. were ever to pass away, I definitely wouldn’t mind my mom marrying him. This movie is a little different in that Minnesota doesn’t win in the end. Even as a Twins fan I can’t complain though, because of my massive mancrush (boycrush?) on 1990s Ken Griffey Jr. If my team had to be beaten in some fashion, Griffey robbing our star player of a game winning home run has to be the coolest.

4. Cool Runnings (1993)

Based on the true story of the 1988 Jamaican Bobsled Team, Cool Runnings stars John Candy as Coach Irv Blitzer, a dirty cheater that moved to Jamaica to smoke weed all the time, or so I assume. His job is to mold a ragtag group of sprinters who failed to qualify for the Olympics into the greatest bobsledding team the world has ever seen. Okay, so that wasn’t going to happen, but just qualifying for the Games and beating the hell out of some East Germans was pretty good. Yes the movie does contain a plethora of Jamaican stereotypes and Doug E. Doug is his usual annoying self, but if you don’t tear up a little bit as the team carries their sled across the finish line, after crashing during the final run, as one of the greatest slow claps ever occurs, then you are a fucking robot, a robot that has been specifically programmed to be a jerk.

3. Rookie of the Year (1993)

Little Big League showed us how awesome it was to own and coach your favorite team, but Rookie of the Year kicks it up a notch by having 12 year old Henry Rowengartner actually play for his. Young Henry’s tendons have healed a little too tight and now he can throw a hundred miles per hour. Sure he doesn’t have any off-speed pitches and he throws the ball dead straight, nobody can hit him! The film features Gary Busey in the role he was born to play, a mentor for young kids. With Chet Steadman’s help Henry is able to pitch the Cubs into playoff contention that all comes down to one last game against the Mets. Luckily for Henry the umpires don’t seem to know the rules and he’s able to balk his way out of a late inning jam, that includes one of the best hitters in the game swinging and missing on a softball pitch. The ending to this glorious film is an absolutely brutal blow to Cubs fans as Rowengartner is shown wearing a World Series Champions ring, something that could only have occurred in this work of fiction.

2. The Sandlot (1993)

Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez is the coolest kid’s movie character of all-time. Really, what more do I have to say then that? He’s kind, sensitive and the most gifted athlete since Bo Jackson. I mean, he can actually make Smalls look like a decent player by intentionally hitting a ball into his glove from like 200 feet away. Of course, the movie revolves around the fact that Smalls doesn’t know who Babe Ruth is, takes an autographed baseball from his stepfather’s trophy room, and somehow manages to hit a homerun into the yard of a demon dog. I will say that the nerd in me really loves the elaborate plans the kids come up with to try and get the ball back, but none of them our successful. In the end, Benny just says fuck it, puts on his PF Flyers and goes after the ball himself leading to an epic chase scene culminating in an appearance by the great James Earl Jones. This movie has everything, good dialogue, fantastic camaraderie through sports and an interesting storyline, but it’s still not the greatest kids movie of the nineties.

1. D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)

Here it is, number one, the greatest movie of all-time, D2: The Mighty Ducks. D2 has an impeccable cast featuring Emilio Estevez, Joshua Jackson and the third appearance on this list of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, not to mention the reuniting of The Sandlot veterans Brandon Adams (Jesse Hall) and Mike Vitar (Luis Mendoza). In the first movie the Ducks have to overcome douchebag suburban Minnesotans, in this installment they have to defeat the greatest hockey power in the teenage world, Iceland. As I have argued in the past because the Junior Goodwill Games only allow 13 players to dress for games, including two goaltenders, the Ducks unique ability to never be tired and always outplay their opponent in the third period make them the perfect team to represent America. Of course, they needed a little help, and the newcomers all brought something to the table. Portman teamed up with Fulton to create the Bash Brothers. Kenny Wu was a vast improvement over Tammy Duncan. Dwayne was a ridiculous caricature of a cowboy, and managed to get a penalty for roping which is somehow only a minor. Julie “The Cat” Gaffney was one of the first crushes for a young Chuck Knoblockhead. Also, you know, she was way better than Goldberg. Luis had the most absurd flaw of any kid’s movie athlete ever. Not being able to stop in the second grade is embarrassing; in eighth it makes you wonder if he still wet the bed. Of course, the other addition was Russ Tyler and his fantastic knuckle puck. A shot that became so ubiquitous amongst hockey players my age, even though it never worked, they had to ban it from practices. Put this all together and you get a movie that I am proud to say I’ve seen over fifty times. Okay, “proud” is probably the wrong word, but this movie is funny, stupid, and leaves you joyfully singing “We Are the Champions.” What more could you ask for? I could write another couple thousand words about D2, but I’ll spare you for now, so let me just leave you with this Little Known Fact: The Godfather Part II, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and D2: The Mighty Ducks are the only three sequels to win an Oscar for Best Picture.

As fans of sports we are naturally drawn to sports movies. There are the classics that everybody loves, Rocky, Caddyshack, Bull Durham, etc., and then there are those sports movies that aren’t actually any good, but since you watched them when you were little you still love them tremendously. I’ve taken it upon myself to list those movies that were favorites of The Rookies staff when we were kids.

[Note: I guess I haven't made it clear, but the cutoff for these movies is the year the first of us went to Kindergarten, 1992, so any movies made before that time will not be on the list.]

Earlier I ranked numbers 20-14, and 13-6. Today I do the Top 5, but first I’ll recap 20-6, after the jump.

20. Slam Dunk Ernest (1995)
19. Ladybugs (1992)
18. Eddie (1996)
17. Brink (1998)
16. Celtic Pride (1996)
15. The Mighty Ducks (1992)
14. Air Bud (1997)
13. The Sixth Man (1997)
12. Angels in the Outfield (1994)
11. The Big Green (1994)
10. Happy Gilmore (1996)
9. Alley Cats Strike! (2000)
8. BASEketball (1998)
7. Space Jam (1996)
6. Little Giants (1994)

And now, the Top 5:

5. Little Big League (1994)

When this movie came out I was a seven year old Twins fan and I so desperately wanted to be Billy Heywood. What kid wouldn’t want to own and manage their favorite team? Sure it wouldn’t be easy. As Billy Heywood finds out ballplayers, and really guys in general, can be a bunch of pricks. But really, it’s not absurd that a kid could manage a baseball team, it is the American League after all, but what is ridiculous is that Timothy Busfield is a star athlete.

Minnesota Twins star first baseman Lou Collins

On the other hand, if Chuck Knoblockhead Sr. were ever to pass away, I definitely wouldn’t mind my mom marrying him. This movie is a little different in that Minnesota doesn’t win in the end. Even as a Twins fan I can’t complain though, because of my massive mancrush (boycrush?) on 1990s Ken Griffey Jr. If my team had to be beaten in some fashion, Griffey robbing our star player of a game winning home run has to be the coolest.

4. Cool Runnings (1993)

Based on the true story of the 1988 Jamaican Bobsled Team, Cool Runnings stars John Candy as Coach Irv Blitzer, a dirty cheater that moved to Jamaica to smoke weed all the time, or so I assume. His job is to mold a ragtag group of sprinters who failed to qualify for the Olympics into the greatest bobsledding team the world has ever seen. Okay, so that wasn’t going to happen, but just qualifying for the Games and beating the hell out of some East Germans was pretty good. Yes the movie does contain a plethora of Jamaican stereotypes and Doug E. Doug is his usual annoying self, but if you don’t tear up a little bit as the team carries their sled across the finish line, after crashing during the final run, as one of the greatest slow claps ever occurs, then you are a fucking robot, a robot that has been specifically programmed to be a jerk.

3. Rookie of the Year (1993)

Little Big League showed us how awesome it was to own and coach your favorite team, but Rookie of the Year kicks it up a notch by having 12 year old Henry Rowengartner actually play for his. Young Henry’s tendons have healed a little too tight and now he can throw a hundred miles per hour. Sure he doesn’t have any off-speed pitches and he throws the ball dead straight, nobody can hit him! The film features Gary Busey in the role he was born to play, a mentor for young kids. With Chet Steadman’s help Henry is able to pitch the Cubs into playoff contention that all comes down to one last game against the Mets. Luckily for Henry the umpires don’t seem to know the rules and he’s able to balk his way out of a late inning jam, that includes one of the best hitters in the game swinging and missing on a softball pitch. The ending to this glorious film is an absolutely brutal blow to Cubs fans as Rowengartner is shown wearing a World Series Champions ring, something that could only have occurred in this work of fiction.

2. The Sandlot (1993)

Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez is the coolest kid’s movie character of all-time. Really, what more do I have to say then that? He’s kind, sensitive and the most gifted athlete since Bo Jackson. I mean, he can actually make Smalls look like a decent player by intentionally hitting a ball into his glove from like 200 feet away. Of course, the movie revolves around the fact that Smalls doesn’t know who Babe Ruth is, takes an autographed baseball from his stepfather’s trophy room, and somehow manages to hit a homerun into the yard of a demon dog. I will say that the nerd in me really loves the elaborate plans the kids come up with to try and get the ball back, but none of them our successful. In the end, Benny just says fuck it, puts on his PF Flyers and goes after the ball himself leading to an epic chase scene culminating in an appearance by the great James Earl Jones. This movie has everything, good dialogue, fantastic camaraderie through sports and an interesting storyline, but it’s still not the greatest kids movie of the nineties.

1. D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)

Here it is, number one, the greatest movie of all-time, D2: The Mighty Ducks. D2 has an impeccable cast featuring Emilio Estevez, Joshua Jackson and the third appearance on this list of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, not to mention the reuniting of The Sandlot veterans Brandon Adams (Jesse Hall) and Mike Vitar (Luis Mendoza). In the first movie the Ducks have to overcome douchebag suburban Minnesotans, in this installment they have to defeat the greatest hockey power in the teenage world, Iceland. As I have argued in the past because the Junior Goodwill Games only allow 13 players to dress for games, including two goaltenders, the Ducks unique ability to never be tired and always outplay their opponent in the third period make them the perfect team to represent America. Of course, they needed a little help, and the newcomers all brought something to the table. Portman teamed up with Fulton to create the Bash Brothers. Kenny Wu was a vast improvement over Tammy Duncan. Dwayne was a ridiculous caricature of a cowboy, and managed to get a penalty for roping which is somehow only a minor. Julie “The Cat” Gaffney was one of the first crushes for a young Chuck Knoblockhead. Also, you know, she was way better than Goldberg. Luis had the most absurd flaw of any kid’s movie athlete ever. Not being able to stop in the second grade is embarrassing; in eighth it makes you wonder if he still wet the bed. Of course, the other addition was Russ Tyler and his fantastic knuckle puck. A shot that became so ubiquitous amongst hockey players my age, even though it never worked, they had to ban it from practices. Put this all together and you get a movie that I am proud to say I’ve seen over fifty times. Okay, “proud” is probably the wrong word, but this movie is funny, stupid, and leaves you joyfully singing “We Are the Champions.” What more could you ask for? I could write another couple thousand words about D2, but I’ll spare you for now, so let me just leave you with this Little Known Fact: The Godfather Part II, Lord of the Rings: Return of the King and D2: The Mighty Ducks are the only three sequels to win an Oscar for Best Picture.

In a fit of fury, I maaaay have even referred to him as Miguel [Fellatio-administering] Olivo. I regret that choice of words now. All the same, Miguel C. Olivo is a special kind of awful when it comes to most facets of the game of baseball.

"The fuck is a strike zone?"

For example, his “plate approach” – and I’m using that phrase generously here – is horrifying. Here’s a nugget for you: Olivo has reached base on swinging strike three attempts three (3) times. He has walked two (2) times.

How is it even possible for someone, much less a catcher, to outrun a throw to first MORE TIMES than he takes four bad pitches? Come on, Miguel, I want to like you, but if you can’t walk once in a while (to go with your random occasional homers), I can’t cheer. I refuse to root for a guy whose OBP is .279.  Among MLB catchers with at least 150 PA, only two are worse than that.

Oh, and to go along with those two (2) walks, Olivo has struck out 53 times in 155 plate appearances. This season, he’s only seeing 3.54 pitches per plate appearance.  Hack, hackity-hack. Blegh.

Unfortunately, Zack Greinke has adopted Olivo as his personal catcher, even once declaring him as “the best catcher in the world.” (Side note: This was during Greinke’s superhuman phase. It’s a shame he’s become a mortal; I would have loved a fierce Greinke/Halladay Cy Young race that lasted all season.) So Royals fans are sort of stuck with him, and have had to suffer through more of his nonsense while John Buck is on the DL and manager Trey Hillman is still terrified of giving any starts to Brayan Pena.

Hating on Olivo would be so much easier if he didn’t seem like such a stand-up guy. He and his lovely wife have a few kids of their own, and have adopted a couple others who were having a rough life. He probably also rescues puppies and cures cripples in the streets of Kansas City. He may even know a cure for cancer. But he still infuriates me on a near-daily basis, and I could think of a few catchers I’d rather have behind the plate than Miguel C. Olivo.

But he’s doing that well enough for himself on Twitter.

You know what else works? The Shift key.

He tried to play it down later. But then, around 2 AM:

Over 300? Well, time for some math.

And the worst part of this, even worse than spamming links to needfollowers.com? It didn’t work.

Negandhi sits at 263 followers as I type this. Miley Cyrus’ brother has 90,000+ followers. So, Kevin, either do something remarkably dumb to spur some artificial controversy, or learn from your buddy at ESPN and delete the tweets.

Leave the wanting to the best at it.

Postscript: Don’t even get me started on Rick Schroeder.

Post-postscript: Oh, come on.

Post-post-postscript: At least it seems to be resolved now. Note to people on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, what have you: Control your passwords if you’re worried about getting “hacked,” which, frankly, probably isn’t what happened here. Twelve-year-olds can do it; you can, too.

The Dark Horse

310ToJoba - Dustin Johnson. While Anthony Kim may have gotten all the attention for making 11 birdies in the second round of The Masters this year, it is important to note that the “other” Johnson put together quite a nice tournament himself. Consider that Johnson made nine less birdies than Kim but still finished only a stroke behind him on the final leader board. Even more striking is the fact that Johnson made 3 less bogeys and the same number of double bogeys as his counterpart. In short, he can be his own sort of scoring machine, as is evidenced by his four eagles in this year’s first major. Granted, the difference between Bethpage and Augusta is quite noticeable, but Johnson’s prodigious length (average driver distance: 307.9; 3rd highest on tour) will afford him many scoring chances on the 7400+ yard Tillinghast design. Of worry is his inability to drive fairways with any sort of regularity (161st overall on tour), but he’s shown he can handle playing in major events and can get on birdie streaks that could see him rise up the leader board before the weekend is done. Oh, and he’s a bit of a drinker, which never hurt anybody!

Chilltown- David Toms. When people think Bethpage Black, what comes to mind? Perhaps the legendary sign on the first tee, or perhaps the fact that it is a public course. But what defines Bethpage are Tillinghast’s long, brawny par 4s- a wopping 4 of which will play over 500 yards. Thus, my sleeper should probably be, like Joba’s, a big hitter. Instead, its David Toms. Toms is exactly average in driving distance. However, where he is above average, is in hitting fairways and greens. Toms hits the most fairways (74.5%) and 10^th most greens in regulation on the PGA Tour. Both of these stats are key to winning the Open, where the fairways are narrow and the rough around the greens is treacherous. After fighting injuries in 2008, Toms has returned with a vengeance in 2009, finishing 2^nd twice, including last week in Memphis. Don’t be surprised to see David Toms in contention on Sunday.

Big name to miss the cut

Chilltown- Sergio Garcia. Sergio’s last trip to Bethpage didn’t go smoothly, and I don’t expect this one to, either. In 2002, Garcia got on the wrong side of the New York fans by constantly waggling and regripping his club before shots. While he played well (finishing 4th), the indelible image of his tournament was Sergio flipping off his hecklers. This time, Sergio doesn’t even have good play to fall back on. He hasn’t finished in the Top 10 in any tournaments in 2009; his ballstriking has gone downhill, leaving nothing to hide his woeful putting. All of this adds up to a trunkslammer for a player who was number 2 in the world as recently as this February.

310ToJoba – Angel Cabrera. The man with the 2009 Green Jacket and a US Open win already under his belt has never really been a household name despite seemingly always lurking around big-name tournaments. That will not be the case this year as Cabrera’s chance to lock up his second major of the year will have to wait until The British. Why is the pudgy Argentine going to throw a big MC on the board? Consider that his driving accuracy is actually worse than the aforementioned Dustin Johnson (only 47.62% of fairways) and his putter is consistently regarded as something between treacherous and woeful. These two qualities do not bode well for US Open play which dictates that players must keep the ball in the fairways and be ready for lightning fast greens. But more importantly, nobody wants to see Angel Cabrera win another major. Right? Right! There’s no real satisfaction for an audience when a player like him wins it. If he’s atop the leader board when all is said and done, you can expect ratings to have tanked.

Amateur To Watch

310ToJoba – Rickie Fowler. The gentleman from California with a surfer look to boot. He is one of the only amateurs in the field with prior Open experience as he finished T-60 at Torrey Pines just a year ago. This could prove to be invaluable for his chances as he actually fired a first round 70 in 2008 to sneak into the top 10. Nobody expects an amateur to win the Open again anytime soon, but Fowler could be around a lot longer than people think.

Bronson Burgoon celebrates his title-clinching shot

Chilltown- Bronson Burgoon. Don’t be fooled, although Burgoon sounds like he should be starring in pirate movies, he can flat out play. The senior from Texas A&M recently clinched the National Championship by hitting a gap wedge to 3 inches on the 18th hole in the deciding match (ala Sean Micheel at Oak Hill). Clearly, Burgoon can deal with the pressure of a US Open–something few amateurs in the field can say. While Burgoon probably won’t win (if any amateur wins, it will be 1,000 times bigger than Tiger last year), being the low amateur and making the cut is not out of reach.

Tiger vs. The Field

310ToJoba – The Field. Sorry, Tiger. Beyond just gambling common sense, one must consider Tiger’s season as a whole. His doubters, who had been clamoring that his surgery had damaged his game beyond repair, have now been beaten back twice as the world’s undoubted best player roared back from behind to capture two tournaments (his only two wins) in dramatic fashion. While I would be the last person to call him washed up, his game has changed a lot since he first came up. You see a lot more missed fairways now than before. Can even the best player in the world continuously hit it into US Open rough and expect to score well? If Tiger’s play off the tee is as erratic as it has been thus far in the year, he could shoot himself out of the tournament to the point where his famous late charges are going to leave him empty handed. This was partly the case in The Masters, wherein Tiger never really had a chance to climb all the way to the top, a climb that was made even harder by a few fourth round blunders. Augusta and Bethpage are two different beasts. While Tiger may have shown he could handle the course in 2002, can he possibly afford to put himself in a position where he is playing from behind again? If Tiger isn’t leading by the end of the third round, someone else will probably walk off with the title this year.

Chilltown- Tiger. Look, I could make a long argument about how comfortable Tiger is with the course, or about how the odds here are actually much more in Tiger’s favor (the percentage of the field that can actually complete four rounds at Bethpage close to even par is very small), but in reality, this comes down to 2 clubs in Tiger’s bag: his driver and 3 wood. When Tiger hits fairways, he wins. Its very simple; see the final round of the Memorial (14 for 14 fairways and thanks for the trophy). I happen to believe that Tiger will build on that round and continue to hit fairways, and therefore that he will win the 2009 US Open.

Prediction

Chilltown- From 2003 until 2007, the US Open was synonymous with suffering. The USGA seemed to enjoy humbling the best players in the world. In 2008, however, Mike Davis, the USGA’s head set-up honcho, set up Torrey Pines differently, judiciously using shorter tees to create interesting birdie opportunities, and ultimately, a more interesting tournament. Of course, its not like the pros torched Torrey; only Tiger and Rocco Mediate finished under par. The USGA will most likely follow its 2008 course at Bethpage Black, and for that reason alone we shouldn’t expect to see another Massacre at Winged Foot or the mockery that was Shinnecock in 2004. I will predict a winning score of 2 under par. However, this could change if Mother Nature refuses to cooperate, as this forecast warns. A soggy, already stretched out Bethpage could push the winning score over par.

310ToJoba – Bethpage marks the second consecutive year where the US Open will be held at a “scoring” course instead of what I like to refer to as a “punishing course.” The difference is easily noticeable. Consider Oakmont, where even par was nothing short of remarkable as the course made professionals look like 18 handicaps with relative ease. On the other hand there’s a course like Torrey Pines where opportunities to go under par exist and must be seized at all costs. Bethpage is more like the latter, though one shouldn’t expect a runaway victory at double digits under par to be the end result. However, 5-under is my prediction to bring the trophy home this year.

I really don’t have many words for that. After the jump, a YouTube response, and the lyrics. This video comes to you from “sugabear906.” Turn down your speakers. (Trust me, when people go on nine-minute rants in response to one-off larks, there will be loud discomfort.)

Seriously? It’s funny, it’s cute, and it’s two of the biggest names (and talents) in music on the same song. It’ll be viral in about two hours, maybe less, and I’m not mad at that. (Also: Natalie > Taylor.)

Who knew the CMT Awards would be the best thing on TV tonight?

The lyrics for “Thug Story”:

Hey (Hey)
T-Swizzle (T-Swizzle)
T-Pizzle (T-Pizzle)

I’m like eight-foot-fo’, blonde hair to the flo’
You shawties never thought I dreamed about rapping hardcore
No, I ain’t got a gun
No, I never really been in a club
I still live with my parents but I’m still a thug
I’m so gangsta you can find me baking cookies at night
You out clubbin’? Well, I just made Caramel Delights
T-Swizz and T-Pain, rapping on the same track
It’s a thug story, tell me can you handle that?
I had a dream last night
I had high-top Nikes
I had diamonds in my mouth
And diamonds on my mic
By the time I awoke I was singin’
(I’m on a boa-o-whoa-oat)

‘Cause I’m a singa ternt rapper (Shawty, I’ma make ya)
Straight to the top, yo (Shawty, I’ma take ya)
You can call me T-Sweezy, now I’m a rap star (It’s a thug story, now tell ‘em who you are)
Singa ternt gangsta (You don’t wanna fight me)
Straight to the top (In my extra small white tee)
T-Swizzle, T-Pain, all up on the same track
It’s a thug story, now can you get with that?
What? What? I knit sweaters, yo
What? What? Don’t test me, (bleep)

Hey, hold on
Hold on, I didn’t even say anything
I said yo (Yo)
You guys bleeped me and I didn’t even say anything
I didn’t even swear (She didn’t even swear)
Hello? Ugh